Azizah Syiami: When Parents Use Religion as A Shield
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| Azizah Syiami |
By Azizah Syiami Mutik, Indonesia
azizah13.hi@gmail.com
Still
with the spirit of being critical and trying to be even-handed in analyzing
situation around me, I got some other learning to share. Few days ago I met an
old friend that I went to Elementary School together. We talked a lot about our
life and how experiences have changed me, which I am sure to be a better
person.
Once the conversation turned back, she was nearly in tears, told me all
about the burden and limitation that her parents are giving her to not leave
the house. I tried to see the problem from different side, maybe "the parents are conservative persons?”, or maybe "she is a typical person who cannot stay
alone”, or maybe “she doesn’t know
yet what is out there”. Then she answered that her parents force her to
follow certain values and rules that are based on tradition and religion to
hold her back. Then she asked why she couldn’t do something, the parents went
for defensive answer using the justification that questioning parent’s rule is
the act of rebellion, and when she decides not to do what the parent commands;
it will be the violation of religious norm to always respect parents. The
religion as a shield!
Recommended: RELIGION OF A CHILD - PART I
This
conversation reminds me of some articles that I read few weeks ago by Pew
Research Center; it was stated that a child raised in a religious family is
more judgmental and less altruist than a child who is raised in a secular or
less religious family. Digging it up a little bit more, I found myself seeing
the statement from a different perspective, parents’ side. I am questioning
more about the parental method besides the religious values that make a child
turn to be less altruistic and more judgmental in his/her personality, or any
other possible indicator that can be used to measure the mental growth of the
kids.
Is
it really because of the teaching of faith OR
the way of teaching it from parents to children? Because I found it in my
friend’s case that the problem might not be the prohibition, but the reason why
and how the parents communicate it to the children. Some parents, despite of
religious stages, prefer to make the value of religion as a shield to avoid
answering the questions from their children. Naming the act of being critical
as rebellion and less respectful, which then nod in the head of the kids with a
massive unshaken idea that questioning and being critical is not good, freeze
their brain from growing and stop seeking for common ground to understand
something.
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| Prof. Patrice Brodeur, KAICIID & Azizah Syiami |
For
example, if the parents tell the daughter not to go out late night and then the
daughter ask why, I think it will be very good to explain logically about
percentage of criminal act at night, the possible danger of a woman going alone
in less crowded area, or the fact that most of crimes done by men and the
daughter is physically weaker than them so for safety reasons the parents don’t
allow her to leave the house alone in late night. Rather than that the parents
would go for less logical reasons of “women
who go out at night are sluts”, “social
structure doesn’t support that”, “you
may die on the street and no one will know”, which is probably right but
still very shallow, or even worse, “don’t
question your parents! Stay at home or you’ll be grounded!”
Then the kids
will get use to the shield that their parents build against them and their basic
logic question of WHY. The more they
accept these words, the more they think that they just need to accept each and
every teaching that the parents give. I don’t say that parent’s teaching is
bad, but when the method fails, it affects the mentality of the children. The
most possible outcome is they become more judgmental and less altruistic.
Culture as a shield!
Recommended: GLOBAL CITIZENS
Right,
when I write this I get another thought that maybe the parents are dealing with
perceptions too. They got the same treatment before so that they repeat it to
their children. They never had a chance to ask and no matter what they asked
the answer was always not an answer as it was a denial of unknown matter of
rules and values. Then it applies to their children and as they never get the
reason WHY, they never had chance to dig deeper, so they use the same basic
justification to make their children stop asking and simply follow the rules.
Parents tend to use the perceptions inside them (that some matters are main
premises which shouldn’t be questioned) to see what is outside them, which is
their children’s questions. This will be an evil circle, I may say, that will
repeat itself to the next generation. And when the generation gets used to “stop
asking,” that’s when humanity sinks, no matter what shield the parents use.
Recommended: AZIZAH SYIAMI: IDENTITY & PERCEPTIONS
With Love
#ACWAY100 #ACWAY2015 #ACWAY
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